[From Enquirer, print edition, August 11, 2014]
My top-secret John Mayer bombshell’s already triggering Hollywood warning sirens … rupturing the eardrums — and God knows what else — of Sexy Boy’s numerous blast-from-the-past/humped-and-dumped star hotties, who are suddenly terrified they’ll be immortalized/sandalized in a new Broadway play he’s writing!
Mayer’s nervous brigade of bangee’s include: Katy Perry, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica “Sexual Napalm” Simpson; Taylor Swift; sex-plosive Jennifer Love Hewitt (who reportedly inspired his hit ditty, “Your Boy is a Wonderland”); plus Renee Zellweger, Minka Kelly, Rhona Mitra, blah, blah, blah! (Guys, can you even imagine?!)
“John’s kept this project heavily under wraps,” says a source close to the star, “but word’s starting to leak now that the formal casting call’s gone out. It describes main character, “JOHN, early to mid-twenties/artistic musician. Handsome (ideally can play both guitar and piano)…!’
Justifiably nervous are exes Taylor Swift, who wrote mercilessly about her failed love affair with John; Jessica Simpson — who raged when he called her “sexual napalm” — and Jennifer Aniston, who famously followed him around the world like a love-struck puppy.
These famous flings, knowning John’s kiss-and-tell history, are now worried he’lll stage scenes from their sex lives ont he Broadway stage!” Mayer’s show-and-tell debuts this fall in a small California town, where producers will iron out the kinks — until it’s kinky enough for Broadway!